The Art of getting it wrong

A Place to Make Mistakes

Every day, you and I wake up to endless opportunities to do things differently. And yet, with all this freedom, we keep doing the same things—same behaviours, over and over. And so we should. That’s just how personality works; by definition, it’s comprised of patterns, and patterns are predictable and repetitious by nature.

That doesn’t mean we can’t change, but it does suggest that we would do well to lower our expectations. The critic in me will say, No way, we can’t do that. That would be like giving up on getting anywhere. But just think about it—when have you ever seen anyone change quickly and maintain it? It just doesn’t work like that. Growth is a forward-and-backward game, and what counts over time is more forward than backward.

We have to be patient and willing to go backward—many times over. Progress can also be measured by not going back as far. That’s kind of incredible, actually. You pulled yourself out a little sooner. That’s something worth celebrating. It absolutely honours our imperfect nature. We weren’t supposed to have it together the whole time.

This idea that I often see show up in my head—that I should be a certain way—does nothing to save me from the cycle; it just exacerbates it. I feel worse because of the discord between where I am and where I think I should be. There’s that control in me again, the one that has a fixed idea about how things ought to be.

One of the best ways I’ve heard it put is by Byron Katie, who simply says, “When you fight against reality, you only lose 100% of the time.” That’s because no thought has ever changed the reality of this moment. Right now, things are exactly as they are. Our inner world—thoughts, feelings, sensations—all arise and change moment by moment. The control in me isn’t making any of that happen. Just check—do you really think you’re in control of any of it?

Same with the outer world. Sounds, movements, everything happening outside of us—it’s all unfolding on its own. Where we do have some control is in how we respond to it. And here, I want to suggest something completely counterintuitive: to get a different response, a really good practice is creating space for intentional mistake-making.

In this modern world, no one is handing out prizes for mistakes. But I think that might be a giant mistake of its own. Giving ourselves permission to really get it all wrong—even if it ends up looking right in the end—is one way we can exercise our freedom.

I don’t mean that we should unnecessarily make mistakes. But bringing it back to my initial point—when we feel like we can put down that inner critic and show up as we are, we are bound to get it wrong. And that’s a good thing. It means we are in the practice.

How to Make a Place for Mistakes

Here are a few ways, though there are many. The key is to relax the stakes. Whatever the activity, make an agreement with yourself: I do this for its own sake, not for the end result.

1. Art – I recently spoke to an artist who reinforced this idea. She said it’s often hard to start when she puts pressure on herself to get it right. I asked her what she thought about a mistakes board—a rough space where nothing else matters except following her inner artist and just getting it out without an agenda. So one way to practice this is through art. Whatever your medium, just allow yourself to be in the creative energy.
2. Journaling – This is my favourite. If you make it super easy to be on the page and let your pen move, you’ll come face-to-face with all the ways your inner critic thinks it’s “going wrong.” And that is the medicine—the practice of letting go, of realizing it doesn’t need to be anything. We can just unravel and allow what will come to come.

The only reason journaling feels hard is because of that same critical part that insists it should look a certain way, or that we should be producing something. But on paper, we have a wonderful opportunity to let it all go. The key is to make it as easy as possible—you don’t have to write a lot. Even one sentence is something. But it does have to come from inside. Speak for something in you. Let it flow as much as you can. When you recognize yourself holding back, here’s the really cool part—you can let that speak too.

3. Dance – This is my absolute favourite. You can move for just two minutes—even that counts. If you move more, great. Again, let it flow without feeling like you need to push, but also without holding back. Give your body permission to move in whatever way it wants. Make as many “mistakes” as you need. Let the beat find you. Let the rhythm find you.

Beat is as old as the stars. The dancer in us knows what to do with it when it comes.

Think fire, story, song, and movement. It all goes back to the beginning. It’s what makes us who we are at our core. And these medicines—these practices—are what ultimately heal us. Because they speak the language of the soul.